6 Products I’m Just Not Jazzed About

Hey, friendos! Today, I’m going to post about products that just, like, don’t do it for me. A few notes, first off- this is not all makeup, because I got rid of most of the makeup that I really didn’t like before I moved and I didn’t take any photos of it. However, they are all products I gave the old college try that just, like, aren’t working out for me. I’ll also put the standard “this is just my opinion” disclaimer up here- a lot of the things that aren’t working are just not working for me, I’m sure. While I have tried products that are just objectively bad, generally, I can realize that and throw them straight out. These guys, I’ve been really really trying to make work for me, and they don’t.

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Herbal Essences “Moroccan My Shine” shampoo.

I don’t talk about my hair much on this blog, partially because my hair routine is kind of embarrassing. Step 1, cut it yourself in the bathroom because you’re cheap and you’ve been doing that since you were in junior high and you actually have no idea how you would find a hair stylist at this point. Step 2, box dye it blue-black for the same reason. Step 3, use whatever shampoo and conditioner are on sale when you need to buy shampoo and conditioner. Step 4, backcomb it for special occasions and hope it doesn’t all fall out. Step 3 is how I wound up with Moroccan My Shine. I think the bottles of Herbal Essences were on for two dollars each, and I like the idea of having shiny hair. I do use a hair oil on occasion, and it’s made my hair look a lot more lovely, so I figured the conditioner would also be nice. Guys. I know I joke about being a greasy fuck, but, like, holy fuck, this conditioner makes me into a gother and less whiny version of Snape. It’s not even fit. It’s not even just having to wash my hair every day- if I use this when I wash my hair before bed, I’ve got a massive oozing pile of grease by the time I wake up in the morning. I realize that my hair being problematic is probably my own fault for just picking products at random from the clearance section, but this conditioner is the worst I’ve used on my hair in years.

I’m still going to finish it, though. That’s a good two dollars I spent.

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Skin Watchers AC Clearing Essence.

Skincare is another field I don’t really talk about much because I actually don’t know shit, but I do generally try to make my face look less ridiculous. I’ve got a wee mini-routine that borrows heavily from Korean beauty products, and I think I got this as a gift with purchase from Jolse when I was refilling my sheet mask stash. I got it, said “hey, cool, an essence, I don’t have one of those yet!” and started using it every day because patch testing is for wimps. And nothing happened. I’ve used up about half the bottle at this point, and there’s been no marked change in my skin at all. I stopped using it for a month or so, and saw no change, for the better or the worse. It’s just sort of there. It’s an extra step between washing my face and my moisturizer that’s just a thing to do. I’ll probably use it up eventually because in theory, I really like the idea of having an elaborate multi-step routine, and I’m sure this is the perfect product that will fix someone’s face forever, but it’s just not for me.

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NYX lipliner in Prune.

Prune- for when Plum is just too sexy of a fruit name. Anyway, full disclaimer here, I’m not really a lipliner person. When I need to line lips, I tend to do so with a clear liner because most of my favorite lip colours aren’t really that easy to find in liner form. That said, I do occasionally use this one, and, like, eh? It’s really, super stiff for a lipliner. It sort of drags and skips on my lips, so it’s a lot of work to get a nice-looking line. The colour is sort of a semi-translucent dusty violet- not opaque enough to look nice on its own, but tinted enough to mess with the colour of any product I wear over it. And yet I held onto it, because goddammit, I’m a makeup person, I should own a lip liner! This entry might just be “lip liners in general” but I have tried a few that I liked. I actually used up a NYX retractable liner in black, which I guess tells you about my lipstick preferences. But this guy is just sort of the worst of both worlds between regular lipliners and clear ones.

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Hard Candy Glamoflauge.

Remember when this was the hyped concealer on the internet? This is actually my third tube. Every time I think “gee, I don’t actually own concealer, I should pick one up,” I completely forget that this is a thing that I own that has disappointed me. All the tubes I’ve had have been separated pretty much instantly, and it’s a nuisance to mix it up. And even when it is fully mixed, I find it’s too oily to stay put on my face. It’s greasy enough that it messes with the staying power of my foundation, so for hiding blemishes longterm, it’s actually worse than just foundation. I’ve tried a few powders with it, and they’ve all gone cakey and gross. Would not buy again. Unless I forget that I bought it three times before.

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Fyrinnae’s Ominous Lip Lustre

I love this colour so much. It is a beautiful colour. However, the lip lustre formula isn’t my favourite. I find that over time, this has heavily sheered out and become a lot glossier. I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s because it’s a lot warmer here than it was back home, but either way, it’s really not my cup of tea now. It never really dries down, which means I can’t have tea and snacks without touching up. I really do love the colour, though, and I’m keeping my eyes out for a similar taupe-toned lavender. (Let me know if you know of a dupe.)

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Essence Rock ‘N’ Doll Duo Stylist Eyeliner Pen. Pin for scale.

I actually bought this one kind of by mistake. I needed to pick up some eyeliner, and since Essence changed the formula of their dip liquid eyeliner, which used to be my HG, I decided to try one of their pens. This one was fifty cents cheaper than the other ones, so I decided to give it a try. I noticed while waiting in the checkout line that it claimed to have a “ball-shaped tip”, but it also claimed to be perfect for doing lines, so I assumed that the tip was rounded but not huge. The tip’s huge. It’s about half the width of the head of a ball-tipped pin. It’s completely useless for drawing lines that come to a point. It’s really really good at drawing dots, but I’ve actually never had any sort of issue with drawing dots with just a regular liquid eyeliner. This eyeliner is solving a problem that doesn’t actually exist. If I had this and also a regular eyeliner pen, I can guarantee that I would never use this. Also, just because I’m petty, it’s not really a “duo stylist pen” or whatever, because it’s only really good at one thing.

So, there you have it. I guess what we learned today is “stop just buying random shit at the drugstore.” I feel like that’s kind of unfair because that’s also how I’ve discovered a lot of products that I loved, however. Perhaps “the cheapest shit is not always the best shit” is a valuable lesson.

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